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Yeah. I was editing everything, and I realized that I'm pretty much the opposite of a lighthearted person sometimes. Haha.

I guess I figured... If anybody who knows me read it, then they can change their minds about me if they want to, good or bad. I want people to know my honest self, and I worry that I'm still not good at it. What else can you do but lay everything bare, right?

[He still couldn't do it, he thinks. It would be too personal, too much, and Jaime's just too private of a person for even anonymously pouring his heart out.]

Did getting it down make you feel a little better though? I'd hate for you to feel that way all the time

I think so. That kind of stuff doesn't leave you completely, but
I don't know.
It's sad to think that nobody even knows how you feel or knows anything about you. It's relieving to know that somebody else is holding onto that knowledge for you. It's existing outside of yourself, you know? And you learn that people can relate to you in one way or another, or at least sympathize.

It's like leaving a legacy behind. All these people who will never meet you will remember you now I guess

[Is it about that? About leaving behind a memory for people to hold onto if she disappears too? Jaime can almost imagine Armin doing something like this.]

If it's about someone knowing you though does that mean that you'll go public wth it eventually?

I don't know. Maybe if I write more that isn't actually focused on me, or if I'm ever able to move far enough away from what's already out there.

I feel like I'm awful at explaining my reasons here, or that there's holes in everything I've done. There's something different in being sort of an entity as opposed to being an ACTUAL person that people can come and find, maybe?

Plus, I spelled out all of my vulnerabilities. If people knew who I am, they'd show up just to feel sorry for me. I couldn't handle all of that attention. I want people to meet me and then decide to like me, not the other way around.

You're allowed to have holes in stuff you've done you know. It's not like any of us are logical 100% of the time

but yeah I can get not wanting to just come out with it. You should prepare yourself for the possibility though. If I could tell it was you then I bet that a bunch of other people will be able to too

I guess I hoped anybody who could know would be discreet about it. You're right, though.

I don't know if there's an actual way to prepare for that, though. It's sort of a 'cross that bridge when you come to it' thing.

I guess. But there's a big difference between knowing that it could happen and being totally caught by surprise you know? It's no fun being blindsided

I know it could happen. I'd just prefer to avoid it right now.

Anyway, the longer I'll stay here, the more I'll write. I'm going to have to get to a point where I'll show my face eventually. I'm just trying to take it slow, same as I do pretty much everything else.

Already working on the sequel?

You could also tackle fiction too you know. Now that you got fans

I was planning on it. In a currently non-specific way. I just have to figure out what else I can write that people will want to read.

Why don't you just focus on what you would want to read?

Have we not established that my interests are lame?

If that's the case then there's a bunch of people out there with lame interests. You're not the only person buying all those books you know

Well, yeah. There's that.

What can I write that hasn't been written before in that ballpark, though? My own experience in certain fields is pretty lacking. All I've got is eternally unresolved relationship drama and a whole lot of nothing.

Nothing's never been written before though. I'm pretty sure people who just shoot for originality wind up with those weird poems. You know the ones that have lots of random words just for the heck of it?

Anyway plenty people write about stuff they've never experienced. I guess the only other alternative to that one is going out and experiencing it though

Or just writing about the drama I guess

The latter would probably work out better than the former.

And it might actually work pretty well, now that I think about it. AND I could write a much nicer ending.

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